Monday, I was finding myself feeling very emotional, strung out and unable to keep my cool. By Monday night the reason was painfully apparent. My first "flair" since going Vegan. Not a pretty thing. I have a medical condition that has reared it's ugly self again, IC . If you've ever had a UTI then you can at least comprehend a little what it's like.
I was up at 2AM digging through every drawer and cabinet to find something to ease the pain. I couldn't find but one of my helpers, and it wasn't doing the trick. I came down stairs to the computer to find out if there was anything on the site to help or try that I might have forgotten or not known about. Suggestion, acetaminophen and anti histamine. I had Excedrin and Benedryl, that with a hot bath and I managed to get 3 hours of sleep.
I have this crazy week of things going on and I do not have time to get sick! Do any of us? I think not. sigh I get up Tuesday and well your not suppose to make long drives when your flair. It's an hour to my sisters house, who needs my help. I go, and clean her house all day for her. (she's about to have her 2nd son). It actually felt good. I was able to take my frustration of being in pain and the worry of how bad will it get this week out on the messes that needed to be cleaned. So in a way I felt better even though it wore me out more.
What did I eat though? yeah your not going to be happy with me. I drove through and got a chicken biscuit on the way to her house that morning, had bunny bread (the white stuff) with 'natural' whatever that's suppose to mean Jiff peanut butter (lots of sugar), and 2 of those oreo stick things? When I left her house between the Excedrin and Benedryl, excessive amount of sugar I was not myself, nor did I care. I called my husband to go out for dinner with me. We went to Cajun Steamers, I had fried oysters and fried okra. Yeah I'm having a good day, not. sigh
Yesterday I did a little better, slept a little later to catch myself up. Got a text from my photographer friend who wanted to 'practice' family. She is doing this amazing day of shooting families on the rail road tracks with her awesome RED couch on Saturday. Being as she gives families more time than the time slots she's trying for this event, she wanted to do a run through. I wanted pics on that red couch! lol So in 45 mins I went from drugged PJ Mom to coordinated family out the door for fancy photo shoot Mom.
I grabbed some of our left over egg rolls to eat at the shoot. When we get home our former neighbor is in the state. We had a play date, she arrives, and we talk the boys play I ignore the fact that I'm hungry, because will I'm on Exedrin and Benedryl and I'm not myself at all. I feel wonky, dizzy, hyper, dazed, on edge all at the same time. BUT my bladder doesn't burn and hurt. ??? sigh
Then I'm out the door to take my daughter to her Drivers Ed class. I have 3 hours to kill. I go to Pancho's veggie fajita's it is. I'm painfully aware of every single spice I now taste in this food, knowing it's an irritant to my condition. I'm starving though! It's nearly 4PM and I've two egg rolls all day. I bring the left overs for my daughter on her break to try and wolf down. I spent the rest of my time at Sam's Club in the fancy $500 out door swing reading a Michael Pollan book In Defense of Food. Hard read in that he is wordy and genius, but very interesting information. I'm going to have to buy myself a copy.
We get home and have 15 mins to change and make our bible meeting. Out the door. Get home 10PM, and I'm just sick of this drugged haze I'm in. This is how I always felt, wired up and dazed! I've worked so hard to avoid these feelings this exact physical and mental state and here I am drugging myself to keep going. sigh
Sadly I have two more days of this to get through. Today I'm off to donate my professional services to a worthy cause. HHH. They are having a fund raising golfing event and I'll be photographing the teams and details of the day. Then tomorrow I have an engagement session and need to drive my daughter out to her friends 99 miles from our driveway to theirs. So to say I'll be pushing my body is an understatement.
I need to be off my feet, and taking total care of myself so that this flair is short lived, but of course it happens when that's impossible. I'm hoping I can crash on Saturday, and that I'll be able to recoup quickly. I have a wedding at the end of the month and I know I have to be OK by then.
Anyhow.... yesterday I did fine as a Vegan but under ate. I'm back on track with food. I don't know how today will go. I'm going to go make myself a real Vegan breakfast and hope that helps me some to get this drugged feeling under control. sigh Sorry no photo's for now.
So your wondering.... Flair/IC, fall/bad food choices, sweetest moments???? Last night at our congregation my youngest son started to cry, I had no idea what was wrong so I made him get up and we went out side to talk. He was remembering his Grandpa's funeral and feeling really sad and missing his Grandpa. :-( He opened up to me and started to feel better. He said "I need a real hug" and grabbed me we hugged and suddenly be both realized he was reaching all the way around me! His fingers could touch on the other side! My son is nearly 11 and he's never been able to reach all the way around me when he's hugged me. We both cried and laughed! So there it is my sweetest moment in all this chaos and drama. :-)
Maybe this will be motivation for you to not indulge in an 'i dont care' day. You have to make YOU a priority because if you dont feel good enough, you're not going to be the best ... mom, wife, professional... whatever. You CAN do this!! You will have set backs, and you will pay the consequences - but try to remember next time how awful you feel when you 'cheat'. You are cheating yourself out of feeling good.
ReplyDeleteI hope your flair up goes away quickly and that you get some good rest and relaxation Saturday.
And awwww! What a sweet moment you had with Nevin! :-D Love it! Thanks for sharing!!
Paula, you are an amazing woman. You do so much for so many people. You're talented, intelligent and loving. I think that indulging yourself every once in awhile is fine. You have to give Paula a gift once and awhile while you are doing for everyone else. Having fried oysters is not the end of the world. Don't feel guilty, thank yourself for the treat and get back on the vegan trail the next meal.
ReplyDeleteLove you, I'm so excited for you. The sweetest moment brought tears.