I've been doing well as far as sticking to eating what is IC & Candida friendly. The Vegan part I've had to out of necessity stray from. I feel guilty, but then again, you saw my 16 foods that were on my OK list (of meeting IC, Candida & Vegan standards). I really can not expect my body to heal and survive on just those green foods, and 2 kinds of nuts. When I felt myself getting so weak I thought I would pass out several times over the day. I decided I had to add in eggs.
I went to Kroger and bought two dozen expensive free range eggs. I wanted to buy local, but I was literally waning on the spot and Kroger is one minute from my house. I came home and scramble four of them and had them for dinner. Man did that help! I've not craved meat most of the time, and I've been Vegan for 2 1/2 months, so it was hard. Yet, there is just not enough protein in my other options for the next two weeks while I get this Candida under control.
I've been really busy with my daughters non-stop schedule (and my driving her to everything), my sister having her baby, and trying to get well. All my energy is drained. I've been really weepy, but mostly just with drawn and exhausted.
Yesterday was really hard on me, lots of driving. I tried to visit a little with my sister and the baby but her day is hectic too. So I only got to fire off a few shots of my Mom's visit, and then leave, never getting a chance to hold him. So I'll have to wait to love on him after they are home and settled in.
The driving has been an issue not helping me get well. Yet, last night I brought home my new water system. It provides me with amazing water. It's different than any of the other systems I've seen. Not nearly as expensive as many of them either. Though it still is an investment.
At any rate, it not only purifies my drinking water, it provides me with amazing healing levels of PH, oxygen & trace minerals! All of these are essential to my balancing my acidic, mineral/oxygen deficient body back into balance. This is a supplement to my goals. Not something I'm going to use as an excuse to eat things I no longer deem as actual food.
All of these factors though are mentioned on the yeast info site I posted previously. So another tool in my arsenal to battle the damage my body has suffered. Honestly I have already felt some of the benefits. I woke up with more energy and clarity today. I could tell a difference in ridding my waste too if that's not way TMI! (too much info). lol
I ate, eggs, avocado, broccoli, cucumber, and almonds yesterday. Today I had eggs, and plan on having a salad, and for dinner some steamed veggies. I've been too busy for pictures, and I figure the scrambled eggs just might hurt someone's feelings.
I can't wait to get back to my Kind Diet menu! I am craving so many things I've been eating for the past 2 months. Which when you think about it is a good thing! I'm sick, in pain, detoxing, stressed, busy, exhausted.... and I'm not craving bad for me foods. I'm craving good for me foods! ;-) I'll be able to add back in some grains and beans after my two weeks of treatment. So then I can be totally Vegan again. Woo Hoo!
So that's it for now. I'm still doing my very best, working so hard, sometimes I'm whining, other times I just suck it up. Either way I'm staying the course. ;-)
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Organic romaine, cucumbers, broccoli, avocado, pumpkin seeds, and a little flax oil for my omega needs.
It's Tuesday, and I feel better as far as the IC pain goes. I managed to get out yesterday and be there for my nephew's birth. Thank goodness! I felt better for that.
I'm starting to have the nausea from the die off. Detoxing is no fun and they told me to expect flu like symptoms. While my body tried to rid itself of the imbalance. I have to be so careful this week, as I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday. I have to be able to keep up with my schedule, but also take care of my body. It's such a crazy balancing act.
I will likely be up at the hospital later this afternoon. I want to see my nephew again, and maybe get a few more pictures. :-) He's so adorable.
Yesterday I had the above salad for late lunch/early dinner, for mid morning meal I ate left over cabbage and zucchini with coconut oil. That's all I could stomach those two meals.
This morning I can't even think about food I'm very nauseated and need to sleep a little longer, but my sister woke me up at 5AM texting me. Drugs and being up there I figure she hasn't' a clue about waking me up. ha ha I'm so happy she is doing OK and the baby is great.
This is her story: http://www.braden-kaleigh.blogspot.com/
It's Tuesday, and I feel better as far as the IC pain goes. I managed to get out yesterday and be there for my nephew's birth. Thank goodness! I felt better for that.
I'm starting to have the nausea from the die off. Detoxing is no fun and they told me to expect flu like symptoms. While my body tried to rid itself of the imbalance. I have to be so careful this week, as I have a wedding to shoot on Saturday. I have to be able to keep up with my schedule, but also take care of my body. It's such a crazy balancing act.
I will likely be up at the hospital later this afternoon. I want to see my nephew again, and maybe get a few more pictures. :-) He's so adorable.
Yesterday I had the above salad for late lunch/early dinner, for mid morning meal I ate left over cabbage and zucchini with coconut oil. That's all I could stomach those two meals.
This morning I can't even think about food I'm very nauseated and need to sleep a little longer, but my sister woke me up at 5AM texting me. Drugs and being up there I figure she hasn't' a clue about waking me up. ha ha I'm so happy she is doing OK and the baby is great.
This is her story: http://www.braden-kaleigh.blogspot.com/
Monday, May 24, 2010
confused and determined
So my plan of action: I'm overwhelmed and not really sure of everything, the only thing I have going for me is shear determination.
Stage 1, get my mercury fillings removed.
Also using some herbs to help my body cleanse itself. This week: Black Walnut Hulls, Milk Thistle, Pau D' Arco.
I also need to get my water situation involved, but I do not know the time line on this improvement I plan to make. I ph tested the brand I'm drinking and it's not in the range I need it to be. In addition my body needs more oxygen, so I may end up using a supplement in that area until I can get the filtration system.
Stage 2, cure the infection. Using Aqua Flora Advanced Candida Foundational Formula (homeopathic) Organic Coconut Oil, Oregano Oil, I can't take the Potassium Sorbate because that will burn the crap out of my bladder.
Stage 3, I'm taking an Enzyme protocol that my doctor has manufactured for his use. Also the super digestive enzymes I can not take right now because they are pineapple based and they also caused me intense pain reaction.
These protocols are for a few weeks, and I will be rotating differing products to keep the yeast from adapting.
Candida Diet:
Having IC and being Vegan, so many of the foods on this list that are OK are also OUT for me. Now don't freak out as this is a temporary change in my diet for the next two weeks I'll be doing this very extreme change and pray I survive! lol (and if I don't loose weight now I might shoot myself! ha ha, don't worry we have no weapons lol)
Now every vitamin I'm deficient in turns out are ones matching a classic case of Candida. Also the adrenal glands are affected more by Candida, not the thyroid, (which remember I was surprised I have no thyroid problems) I didn't do my adrenal test because I am eating so much cabbage and other veggies that interfere with the test. Right now since what I can eat is so limited I can't do it now either.
OK so here we go this is the IC safe, and Candida starving food list I have compiled for the next two weeks. Honestly since I need 90-100 grams of protein per week to be healthy I believe I'm going to have no choice but to add eggs to my diet temporarily. I have a very good farm I can get them from and I know for a fact they do make me feel better, as I was eating them before going Vegan.
My IC/Candida 2 week approved food list:
Alfalfa sprouts, Asparagus, Avocados, Brussel Sprouts, Broccoli, Bok Choy, Cabbage, Celery, Cucumber, Kale, Mustard greens, Spinach, Squash, Rhubarb, Almonds, Pumpkin seeds.
I know this is NOT much to choose from. I went and bought as many of these as I could that were organic. Last night I had a bowl of cabbage/zucchini/garlic lightly cooked in Coconut Oil, with a side of lightly toasted pumpkin seeds. It's all I had had all day long and I ate as much as I could for dinner. It wasn't easy.
Today I've not had any food yet. I've been super busy with my kids appointments and needs. I needed to start the morning with some of the supplements on an empty stomach and ran out of time to eat anything to take the rest of the supplements.
I am also taking Super Primrose, and HerBalance I (by Complementary Prescriptions company). According to the yeast infection advisor site, hormone imbalance is also Candida related, and sets up your immune system for weakening so part of the plan is to support this aspect of my health as well.(which my doctor has the protocol on the right track, but he didn't factor for my IC very well, and on top of that he wanted me to attack with a anti-fungal drug that I know will hurt me and set me up for relapse)
I'm taking Vitamin D and Zinc, I can't tolerate the multi-B supplement I am to be taking and the C supplement. Both of these vitamins I am very deficient in, but my IC flare/pain won't allow me to take anything to help right now.
Here is what I had for dinner:
Yeah I'm kinda freaking out too, right there with ya. You can join me if your crazy! LOL
No but honestly if you were sick for 6 months last year, so sick you felt like your only reason to be alive was to be a human pee factory, and knowing your body is trying to get sick down the same path this year, and finally having the 2nd most needed diagnostic information you've gone w/o for who knows how many years, you would be with me on doing whatever and anything it takes to help your body stop being sick and restore balance.
Honestly I already feel better, I've had some relief from the IC pain just from the Homeopathic Candida treatment. I know that this flare is related directly to the Candida as so many of them have been in the past.
I'll be able to add in a few more things as the IC flare gets under control, and continue with this aggressive change to balance out my yeast levels. Then well I'll continue doing whatever it's going to take to prevent relapse on both fronts.
I apologize to those who follow me strictly because of the Kind Diet. I am doing my very best here, and right now I'm extremely limited if I want to have real results for the long term. I hope though that you can see the need for yourself to keep working on self education to find the right exact path to eating healthy for your own body, what ever that means and whatever form it takes. Eat our way to health instead of eat our way and pop pills to an early grave.
Well my sister just called and she's in labor, so I better put together a very green meal and get ready to leave I have a nephew on his way today!
Stage 1, get my mercury fillings removed.
Also using some herbs to help my body cleanse itself. This week: Black Walnut Hulls, Milk Thistle, Pau D' Arco.
I also need to get my water situation involved, but I do not know the time line on this improvement I plan to make. I ph tested the brand I'm drinking and it's not in the range I need it to be. In addition my body needs more oxygen, so I may end up using a supplement in that area until I can get the filtration system.
Stage 2, cure the infection. Using Aqua Flora Advanced Candida Foundational Formula (homeopathic) Organic Coconut Oil, Oregano Oil, I can't take the Potassium Sorbate because that will burn the crap out of my bladder.
Stage 3, I'm taking an Enzyme protocol that my doctor has manufactured for his use. Also the super digestive enzymes I can not take right now because they are pineapple based and they also caused me intense pain reaction.
These protocols are for a few weeks, and I will be rotating differing products to keep the yeast from adapting.
Candida Diet:
Having IC and being Vegan, so many of the foods on this list that are OK are also OUT for me. Now don't freak out as this is a temporary change in my diet for the next two weeks I'll be doing this very extreme change and pray I survive! lol (and if I don't loose weight now I might shoot myself! ha ha, don't worry we have no weapons lol)
Now every vitamin I'm deficient in turns out are ones matching a classic case of Candida. Also the adrenal glands are affected more by Candida, not the thyroid, (which remember I was surprised I have no thyroid problems) I didn't do my adrenal test because I am eating so much cabbage and other veggies that interfere with the test. Right now since what I can eat is so limited I can't do it now either.
OK so here we go this is the IC safe, and Candida starving food list I have compiled for the next two weeks. Honestly since I need 90-100 grams of protein per week to be healthy I believe I'm going to have no choice but to add eggs to my diet temporarily. I have a very good farm I can get them from and I know for a fact they do make me feel better, as I was eating them before going Vegan.
My IC/Candida 2 week approved food list:
Alfalfa sprouts, Asparagus, Avocados, Brussel Sprouts, Broccoli, Bok Choy, Cabbage, Celery, Cucumber, Kale, Mustard greens, Spinach, Squash, Rhubarb, Almonds, Pumpkin seeds.
I know this is NOT much to choose from. I went and bought as many of these as I could that were organic. Last night I had a bowl of cabbage/zucchini/garlic lightly cooked in Coconut Oil, with a side of lightly toasted pumpkin seeds. It's all I had had all day long and I ate as much as I could for dinner. It wasn't easy.
Today I've not had any food yet. I've been super busy with my kids appointments and needs. I needed to start the morning with some of the supplements on an empty stomach and ran out of time to eat anything to take the rest of the supplements.
I am also taking Super Primrose, and HerBalance I (by Complementary Prescriptions company). According to the yeast infection advisor site, hormone imbalance is also Candida related, and sets up your immune system for weakening so part of the plan is to support this aspect of my health as well.(which my doctor has the protocol on the right track, but he didn't factor for my IC very well, and on top of that he wanted me to attack with a anti-fungal drug that I know will hurt me and set me up for relapse)
I'm taking Vitamin D and Zinc, I can't tolerate the multi-B supplement I am to be taking and the C supplement. Both of these vitamins I am very deficient in, but my IC flare/pain won't allow me to take anything to help right now.
Here is what I had for dinner:
No but honestly if you were sick for 6 months last year, so sick you felt like your only reason to be alive was to be a human pee factory, and knowing your body is trying to get sick down the same path this year, and finally having the 2nd most needed diagnostic information you've gone w/o for who knows how many years, you would be with me on doing whatever and anything it takes to help your body stop being sick and restore balance.
Honestly I already feel better, I've had some relief from the IC pain just from the Homeopathic Candida treatment. I know that this flare is related directly to the Candida as so many of them have been in the past.
I'll be able to add in a few more things as the IC flare gets under control, and continue with this aggressive change to balance out my yeast levels. Then well I'll continue doing whatever it's going to take to prevent relapse on both fronts.
I apologize to those who follow me strictly because of the Kind Diet. I am doing my very best here, and right now I'm extremely limited if I want to have real results for the long term. I hope though that you can see the need for yourself to keep working on self education to find the right exact path to eating healthy for your own body, what ever that means and whatever form it takes. Eat our way to health instead of eat our way and pop pills to an early grave.
Well my sister just called and she's in labor, so I better put together a very green meal and get ready to leave I have a nephew on his way today!
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Slight change in direction for now
OK so this Candida diagnosis has thrown me for a big time loop. No this is not just a natural doc thinking I have this or that. This is a medical doctors diagnosis. Hence he wants me to take a prescription anti-fungal, which made me do LOTS of research over the past 3 days (I won't be using the drug in my protocol).
So far I believe I've found the solution, it will be VERY difficult to approach this, as an IC patient and a Vegan! As if it already wasn't hard enough!? ugh
I'm angry, frustrated, confused, empowered, weepy and delirious at this point. LOL
I do believe from what I know my Mom went through with treatments that actually put her IC in remission for several years now, that what this website says is true, and the true way to tackle and beat Candida/IC combo as a health issue. So here is the link to the extensive info I found and what I believe will actually help a person.
Yeast Infection Advisor
Now I have to tailor this advice to my Vegan and IC needs. I believe my IC flare is happening hand in hand with a Candida flare. Yes, I said flare, because I believe Candida for me has been also an up and down persistent problem in my health. Especially after everything I've read and things I know I've gone through over the years, things that helped, but then stopped helping me.
I believe that the reason I could find relief for a while in some things I did for my IC, then they would stop, actually are due to the Candida and not the IC. The reason it stopped helping the IC flare, was because over time the Candida had adapted to the treatment. Ugh In hind sight all of this is making a crystal clear picture of my struggles for the past 2 decades!
Knowledge is power! Now I'm gaining knowledge that will further help me on my path to good health.
So what am I eating, yesterday I had a slice of Ezekiel toast two times, and then a burrito of sorts. It had a layer of rices (several grains all organic and whole), azuka & pinto beans, fresh parsley from my garden, a whole shredded carrot, and fresh sliced avocado... all were IC friendly food choices. I'll have to eliminate all grains for about 2 weeks or so while I tackle this multi level health issue. But yesterday I knew less than I know today, and it will continue along this route until I find my path to wellness.
I didn't want to leave you w/o a photo. So here is what I had for late lunch/ early dinner yesterday.
So far I believe I've found the solution, it will be VERY difficult to approach this, as an IC patient and a Vegan! As if it already wasn't hard enough!? ugh
I'm angry, frustrated, confused, empowered, weepy and delirious at this point. LOL
I do believe from what I know my Mom went through with treatments that actually put her IC in remission for several years now, that what this website says is true, and the true way to tackle and beat Candida/IC combo as a health issue. So here is the link to the extensive info I found and what I believe will actually help a person.
Yeast Infection Advisor
Now I have to tailor this advice to my Vegan and IC needs. I believe my IC flare is happening hand in hand with a Candida flare. Yes, I said flare, because I believe Candida for me has been also an up and down persistent problem in my health. Especially after everything I've read and things I know I've gone through over the years, things that helped, but then stopped helping me.
I believe that the reason I could find relief for a while in some things I did for my IC, then they would stop, actually are due to the Candida and not the IC. The reason it stopped helping the IC flare, was because over time the Candida had adapted to the treatment. Ugh In hind sight all of this is making a crystal clear picture of my struggles for the past 2 decades!
Knowledge is power! Now I'm gaining knowledge that will further help me on my path to good health.
So what am I eating, yesterday I had a slice of Ezekiel toast two times, and then a burrito of sorts. It had a layer of rices (several grains all organic and whole), azuka & pinto beans, fresh parsley from my garden, a whole shredded carrot, and fresh sliced avocado... all were IC friendly food choices. I'll have to eliminate all grains for about 2 weeks or so while I tackle this multi level health issue. But yesterday I knew less than I know today, and it will continue along this route until I find my path to wellness.
I didn't want to leave you w/o a photo. So here is what I had for late lunch/ early dinner yesterday.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Antibiotics/Probiotics and Interstitial Cysitits
I have not taken antibiotics for nearly 20 years, I was in my late 20's when I realized they made me much sicker than they were worth. I have used natural antibiotic's for everything from strep throat, to UTI's. If you have used them, you may be suffering with many side effects as well......
IC challenge that just might help many of my readers as well. So many health troubles come from how we eat, so why not try this for the number of days. You never know you may find your path to wellness too! ;-)
IC Challenge
Green Smoothies
Green for Life
Raw Family
Green Smoothie Recipes, If you have IC be careful though some of these combinations have known fruits that can make you feel very bad when your bladder isn't well.... ie Strawberries and Banana's are my worst!
I am just now learning about these things myself. Since I'm in flare I'm very apprehensive about trying any of these things 'yet'. Still I wanted to pass on this information for anyone who might want to consider some of these methods. Maybe I'll be out of flare in time to start the challenge!? :-)
IC challenge that just might help many of my readers as well. So many health troubles come from how we eat, so why not try this for the number of days. You never know you may find your path to wellness too! ;-)
IC Challenge
Green Smoothies
Green for Life
Raw Family
Green Smoothie Recipes, If you have IC be careful though some of these combinations have known fruits that can make you feel very bad when your bladder isn't well.... ie Strawberries and Banana's are my worst!
I am just now learning about these things myself. Since I'm in flare I'm very apprehensive about trying any of these things 'yet'. Still I wanted to pass on this information for anyone who might want to consider some of these methods. Maybe I'll be out of flare in time to start the challenge!? :-)
Friday, May 21, 2010
It's all up to you anyhow
So before I took on this adventure I had gone to a doctor to have a battery of blood tests, urine, saliva, run on me to see where I was at with my health and what could be done to help me improve it. I really wanted to find out what I could do to restore my energy levels, and keep my IC under control.
Today I got all my tests results back. I was very surprised that the thyroid test came back in a normal range. That's the 2nd one I've had done in 15 years. I know there is some test out there that 'really' makes sure it's functioning, and I thought this was it, but they said no they just ran the standard test. UGH I asked for the real one. sigh
OK so anyhow, that came back 'normal', I had great cholesterol levels, which means they must be awesome now that I'm a vegan. LOL My blood sugar was fine, liver, kidney's fine. I have an out of range Cardio CRP, it's high, and that is an indicator of some type of inflammation that puts my heart at risk. I tried to get more info about it, but the answers to what exactly this inflammation is where it resides, and what it's doing/how it's fed I didn't not get satisfying answers for. Just a suppliment for inflammation was handed to me, take this you'll feel better.
Where I did need help was in my vitamin D, C, multiple B's, Omega's, also they added Zinc to my supplements.
My big issue is that I have too much yeast, Candidiasis. This is no surprise to me, and I'm actually relieved to finally have this health issue addressed. The treatment is going to make me sicker, raise my histamine levels and such. So since I'm already in the midst of a mega IC flare the LAST thing I want to do is take on the yeast.
I asked about treating my IC and he completely ignored this, by saying there are treatments all over the place, very expensive and hit and miss for results so it's up to me to do the leg work and decide if I want to try any of them. FUN!
Basically I walked out $300 poorer, with a plan of action I can't even start until my IC is under control again. Which puts me back to the title of this post: It's all up to you anyhow.
My healthy, my body, my job. It's yours too. They can't really help me, they can't control or even understand fully what goes on with my body. I've lived in all this time, I know it better than anyone, it's a matter of listening to myself and doing what works.
So one thing I'm going to be doing, not sure when but more will come on this topic you can look forward to. Is my water intake. This is a huge issue for someone with IC, having water that is IC safe. I want to find the answers to this and help my body help itself.
I know that my body wants to be well. I know that if I find what it needs it will do it's best. That's my belief. :-)
At any rate, I'm healthier than I thought on some levels, have an issue to address after this flare is under control, the yeast, and the rest is me continuing on this journey of eating choices as that's the greatest daily impact to my health I have total control over.
I would be disappointed if I had expected much of anything else from today's visit. I'm not, I think I'm even more determined to be the pilot of this ship.
I'm still living on very simple food for now, Ezekiel bread, greens, no salt, no sugar, no chemicals, no vinegar, no peppers, no acidic foods at all what so ever. Today I had carrots, squash, zucchini, and Ezekiel bread. Not much of any of it, when I'm in flare it gets to the point of being afraid to even eat anything for fear the pain will increase.
OK this is too long and your bored. ;-) More later .....
Today I got all my tests results back. I was very surprised that the thyroid test came back in a normal range. That's the 2nd one I've had done in 15 years. I know there is some test out there that 'really' makes sure it's functioning, and I thought this was it, but they said no they just ran the standard test. UGH I asked for the real one. sigh
OK so anyhow, that came back 'normal', I had great cholesterol levels, which means they must be awesome now that I'm a vegan. LOL My blood sugar was fine, liver, kidney's fine. I have an out of range Cardio CRP, it's high, and that is an indicator of some type of inflammation that puts my heart at risk. I tried to get more info about it, but the answers to what exactly this inflammation is where it resides, and what it's doing/how it's fed I didn't not get satisfying answers for. Just a suppliment for inflammation was handed to me, take this you'll feel better.
Where I did need help was in my vitamin D, C, multiple B's, Omega's, also they added Zinc to my supplements.
My big issue is that I have too much yeast, Candidiasis. This is no surprise to me, and I'm actually relieved to finally have this health issue addressed. The treatment is going to make me sicker, raise my histamine levels and such. So since I'm already in the midst of a mega IC flare the LAST thing I want to do is take on the yeast.
I asked about treating my IC and he completely ignored this, by saying there are treatments all over the place, very expensive and hit and miss for results so it's up to me to do the leg work and decide if I want to try any of them. FUN!
Basically I walked out $300 poorer, with a plan of action I can't even start until my IC is under control again. Which puts me back to the title of this post: It's all up to you anyhow.
My healthy, my body, my job. It's yours too. They can't really help me, they can't control or even understand fully what goes on with my body. I've lived in all this time, I know it better than anyone, it's a matter of listening to myself and doing what works.
So one thing I'm going to be doing, not sure when but more will come on this topic you can look forward to. Is my water intake. This is a huge issue for someone with IC, having water that is IC safe. I want to find the answers to this and help my body help itself.
I know that my body wants to be well. I know that if I find what it needs it will do it's best. That's my belief. :-)
At any rate, I'm healthier than I thought on some levels, have an issue to address after this flare is under control, the yeast, and the rest is me continuing on this journey of eating choices as that's the greatest daily impact to my health I have total control over.
I would be disappointed if I had expected much of anything else from today's visit. I'm not, I think I'm even more determined to be the pilot of this ship.
I'm still living on very simple food for now, Ezekiel bread, greens, no salt, no sugar, no chemicals, no vinegar, no peppers, no acidic foods at all what so ever. Today I had carrots, squash, zucchini, and Ezekiel bread. Not much of any of it, when I'm in flare it gets to the point of being afraid to even eat anything for fear the pain will increase.
OK this is too long and your bored. ;-) More later .....
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Living on simplicity
Today I woke up at 5AM in pain, miserable. It's like having the flu with chills, shakes, fever, then the unending pain of a UTI. FUN stuff.
So I asked my husband to do the driving the kids around for their appts. My body just has to have a day off.
I also read through my IC friendly food list, and have just sustained myself today on Almond butter, spread over Ezekiel toast. Then at lunch I had a small bowl of baked Kale chips that had been lightly oiled, but no salt added.
Sometimes when your in flare it's recommended you stick with one set of food items to give your body a chance to clear anything that may be making you worse. So that's my plan.
I worked at the computer all day processing print orders, designing products, and my breaks were helping my youngest with his reading & English.
I figure a photo of toast isn't very exciting even if I did put a sprig of parsley next to it. ha ha ;-)
So for now my cooking may not be very exciting or photographically picturesque. :-) more later!
So I asked my husband to do the driving the kids around for their appts. My body just has to have a day off.
I also read through my IC friendly food list, and have just sustained myself today on Almond butter, spread over Ezekiel toast. Then at lunch I had a small bowl of baked Kale chips that had been lightly oiled, but no salt added.
Sometimes when your in flare it's recommended you stick with one set of food items to give your body a chance to clear anything that may be making you worse. So that's my plan.
I worked at the computer all day processing print orders, designing products, and my breaks were helping my youngest with his reading & English.
I figure a photo of toast isn't very exciting even if I did put a sprig of parsley next to it. ha ha ;-)
So for now my cooking may not be very exciting or photographically picturesque. :-) more later!
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Anger and self care
Saturday, my husband wanted to choose where we go out. I can't blame him he's been eating around me for 2 months. So we went to Logans Roadhouse, if you recall one of my hot spots before being a Vegan. I thought sure I can do this! Yet, between vegan and IC I was pretty far up a creek as choices on the menu goes.
So while sitting across from my hubby and his big bacon burger, and my son with his chicken tenders and BBQ sauce....
I read the menu to find no vegan protein options, no beans of any kind on the menu. So I ate peanuts, and worried about the salt (too much salt causes more pain for the IC). I wanted a salad, and thought I had them take off the non-vegan toppings but forgot about the bacon bits. Tried to scrap them off. Asked for dressing which is another IC no no and not exactly vegan either. I just didn't want to eat plain ice burg lettuce, ya know. sigh I took a few bite and realized either way not worth it. Gave my salad to my husband.
I order the rice pilaf, another mistake. Must have been a box mix, it was so salty and tasted of bouillon, the rice was broken down and melted in my mouth (quick starch) not like whole grain rice that you have to chew. The mushrooms were good, the sweet potato I had to send back they put Carmel on it way too much sugar that way. So basically eating vegan and IC safe at Logan's was a bust. I pretended I was happy and full, and enjoyed being with my men. :-)
It wasn't long after we got home that even those few bad bites, and salt peanuts where making me pay with extra pain. grrr I was angry. I put two kinds of beans out for soaking over night, and some millet to soak. To ensure I had something started for the new week.
Sunday I woke up more determined to make myself well. I printed up the most recent IC list and looking through my frig and pantry for foods that sooth the bladder. Yeah! More limitations. (sarcastically she exclaims)
Squash made the list of soothers. I do love squash! :-)
Squash soup is about the easiest food in the world to make! I started with breakfast though, made millet/squash porridge. I tried the white miso thinking because it was sweeter it would still be IC friendly, not. It messed me up for a few hours after it got into my system, so all miso is out for now! Akkkkk! This is going to be so frustrating because Miso I so love and it helps my digestion with all these veggies!
I did enjoy the millet with kombo, and celery also added it. I will just have to make it w/o white miso for a while.
Anyhow so squash soup soothes, and I made a big pot with the left over squash. Only took half of it to make a nice sized pot. It's just cubed pieces, water, cooking, mashing, a tiny bit of shoyu simmer, eat! It's so sweet and warm, fresh. It made me a little happier.
For dinner Sunday night my husband went to buy him and the boys groceries, I was pretty sick with my IC and didn't need to wear myself out more shopping for foods I don't eat anyhow. He was sweet and bought me an Amy's Vegan pizza. It had a few not so IC friendly things in it, so I took several preliefs and the a baking soda chaser to neutralize the acidic ingredients and hoped that would be OK, I needed something to go right. I was back on benedryl and pain relief already, still not doing that great.
Monday morning I had the drive to my sisters and day to spend with her. She's been released from bed rest and her rib has healed, but she's now able to go into labor at any time. With my nephew needing constant care though none of us want her to be alone if she goes into labor. He's not really been away from his Mom, and she from him. I crawled around the floor part of the day following his adventures. He's so into everything now I love this age! He's two...
At any rate, I packed left over porridge, squash soup, asuki beans, and mixed rice I had all made on Sunday, and my bottle water, medicines, camera. I was set to go. Hit the road. I did pretty well, until she drove through McD's after grocery shopping. I sat in the car with Braden (having been a mico premie he is not around other people yet) . I decided that a small fry wouldn't hurt. Dang it! too much salt and my med's wore off at the same time. So all day I was good until the hour long drive home I was miserable!
I think to myself why? did I cave. I think I get really angry because I see 'skinny' people eat things all the time. ya know, they don't think twice about that little fry, or doughnut they eat now and then. For me it's every little thing? Why did I eat that? What was I feeling? Will it make me sick? I was so mad on the way home I pulled off the interstate and was going to get a doughnut out of shear rebellion! then I crossed traffic and just got back on the interstate and went home. Just mad, just mad about the whole thing, but I had suddenly realized I've been doing this for 2 whole months now! I also though why treat myself badly because I'm mad?
So I made it home, had a little vanilla bean coconut milk ice cream, and left over udon noodles. Hot bath and bed.
Today I'm better. I'm still mad that one fry or one doughnut makes such an issue inside of me, that I feel guilty if I have one treat, and that it makes me feel like less of person than someone else. That people look at someone over weight and think bad of them if they are eating something sweet. I know I eat better than lots of people, I even did before I went vegan. I had made lots of changes, organic, farm fresh, etc, etc.... nothing has helped me get weight off to date. Last night my husband asked me how I was (referring to my IC) when I got home and I had a little tantrum. lol He was nice about it, I ranted. I'm two months in, even my son Harrisen now has had to have his jeans waste band go from the loosest to the tightest. Me now that I'm in flare I'm completely swollen and can't tell I've ever lost an ounce. It's so beyond frustrating! The IC prevents me from being able to work out in a way that will help me loose weight. I feel so stuck! breathe! sigh
OK so there you go the ugly truth of me feeling sorry for myself. ha Big hug for you! for even reading my rants. LOL ;-) I'll be good, for me it's to the point of this is it. This is where I'm at and even if eating this way doesn't get me to where I really want to go, it will keep me going longer and better than any other route. So there is no giving up or feeling this is optional. Nope this is my life and this is what I need to do to live it.
I'm not sure what I'm eating today, but it will be good choices and photo's will follow. Have a good one.
So while sitting across from my hubby and his big bacon burger, and my son with his chicken tenders and BBQ sauce....
I order the rice pilaf, another mistake. Must have been a box mix, it was so salty and tasted of bouillon, the rice was broken down and melted in my mouth (quick starch) not like whole grain rice that you have to chew. The mushrooms were good, the sweet potato I had to send back they put Carmel on it way too much sugar that way. So basically eating vegan and IC safe at Logan's was a bust. I pretended I was happy and full, and enjoyed being with my men. :-)
Sunday I woke up more determined to make myself well. I printed up the most recent IC list and looking through my frig and pantry for foods that sooth the bladder. Yeah! More limitations. (sarcastically she exclaims)
Squash made the list of soothers. I do love squash! :-)
I did enjoy the millet with kombo, and celery also added it. I will just have to make it w/o white miso for a while.
Monday morning I had the drive to my sisters and day to spend with her. She's been released from bed rest and her rib has healed, but she's now able to go into labor at any time. With my nephew needing constant care though none of us want her to be alone if she goes into labor. He's not really been away from his Mom, and she from him. I crawled around the floor part of the day following his adventures. He's so into everything now I love this age! He's two...
I think to myself why? did I cave. I think I get really angry because I see 'skinny' people eat things all the time. ya know, they don't think twice about that little fry, or doughnut they eat now and then. For me it's every little thing? Why did I eat that? What was I feeling? Will it make me sick? I was so mad on the way home I pulled off the interstate and was going to get a doughnut out of shear rebellion! then I crossed traffic and just got back on the interstate and went home. Just mad, just mad about the whole thing, but I had suddenly realized I've been doing this for 2 whole months now! I also though why treat myself badly because I'm mad?
So I made it home, had a little vanilla bean coconut milk ice cream, and left over udon noodles. Hot bath and bed.
Today I'm better. I'm still mad that one fry or one doughnut makes such an issue inside of me, that I feel guilty if I have one treat, and that it makes me feel like less of person than someone else. That people look at someone over weight and think bad of them if they are eating something sweet. I know I eat better than lots of people, I even did before I went vegan. I had made lots of changes, organic, farm fresh, etc, etc.... nothing has helped me get weight off to date. Last night my husband asked me how I was (referring to my IC) when I got home and I had a little tantrum. lol He was nice about it, I ranted. I'm two months in, even my son Harrisen now has had to have his jeans waste band go from the loosest to the tightest. Me now that I'm in flare I'm completely swollen and can't tell I've ever lost an ounce. It's so beyond frustrating! The IC prevents me from being able to work out in a way that will help me loose weight. I feel so stuck! breathe! sigh
OK so there you go the ugly truth of me feeling sorry for myself. ha Big hug for you! for even reading my rants. LOL ;-) I'll be good, for me it's to the point of this is it. This is where I'm at and even if eating this way doesn't get me to where I really want to go, it will keep me going longer and better than any other route. So there is no giving up or feeling this is optional. Nope this is my life and this is what I need to do to live it.
I'm not sure what I'm eating today, but it will be good choices and photo's will follow. Have a good one.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
What ever it takes
I may have been pretty whipped on Tuesday, running on 3 hours sleep in full flare with my health and worked all day helping my sister, kinda freaking out about my weeks schedule ahead of me... but well what ever it takes to keep going that's what I'm up for.
I wanted to share our cooking on Monday, we made egg rolls ourselves. Now I didn't know that the egg part came from the wrap, sadly it's last ingredient is 'eggs'. So even though it said 'spring rolls or egg rolls' I need to go with the 'rice' wrap in the future. Still we were so in the mood for egg rolls we made them anyhow. lol
I was also being adventurous and trying some new foods, two kinds of mushrooms (which I neglected to write down what they were but packaged in plastic and known for their B vitamins and from japan?), also a new green leafy veggie that started with a "T". Maybe I can find out what they were next time I shop. :-)
I added these items to the stir fry and the egg rolls. New flavors, fresh cooked, it all came together so nicely we had a variation for lunch and dinner as well.
One of the types of mushrooms and the new leafy green in the back ground.
The many foods I cooked down for the egg rolls, cabbage, carrots, mushrooms, onions, I also added in the wrapped up some Eden's Hiziki-Wild, Hand Harvested in protected waters sea vegetables. So we had a big variety of nutritional sources in our stir fry and egg rolls, and it was all delicious.
Here was lunch & dinner:
You know how Tuesday and Wednesday went from my previous post.
Thursday was also a big day. Up at the crack of dawn to take my daughter to do her volunteer bible education work. Home to get all my gear together and checked and packed, etc. Husband was home all day to keep the boys.
I was still taking pain relievers, benedryl, and prelief to ease the pain from the IC. I felt terrible and dizzy and just slap exhausted. I had a long day ahead of me, as we were going out to document the Helping Healing Hearts golf charity fund raising event.
I ate a bowl of rice with a little maple syrup and lots of walnuts for breakfast. My body was so off kilter that my pupils were dilating big to small rapidly and each eye at different rates. It took the breakfast a while to start kicking in and helping me stabilize. I realized I would have to stop taking any more medicine and hope that the IC pain would hold off for the day.
I picked up my daughter at 10:30 and we hurried up and had Ezekiel wrapped burritos, basically I threw in whatever we had, beans, rice, veggies, tofu. It was an odd mix of flavors but we didn't' care we just wanted to be sure to eat something that would make sure we could keep up with our day.
(Miranda on the golf course bridge waiting for the next team to make it to the hole)
It did though, those two meals got us through and our day was long. We arrived on site for 11:30, the kick off was at 1PM, but there was sign up, lunch, silent auction items, as well as the putting competition before the official tee off. We had our own golf cart and there was much wait time here and there through out the day. That was a blessing, I was able to relax enjoy this time with my daughter. The weather was beautiful the golfers cheerful, for 'work' it was really great. I've never been out on a golf course all day before and it was so nice. I can see why people play!
Well we wrapped up and headed out at a 5:45, and drove back home quickly. One of my daughters friends was in her jr. high talent show and we really needed to make it. It started at 6:15, so no time for shower, or changing, or even a bite. We went straight there, hot, tired and hungry.
Still it was such a cute event! I mean some well you wonder, but there was some real talent too. lol It was fun, and then we ate out at Taco Express, "veggie/vegan" burritos. Wow, sometimes food tastes so good. ha ha
Home for 10PM, hot bath and to bed, with drugs to ensure my bladder let me get my much needed sleep.
Friday was more of the same, up at the crack of dawn to take daughter to meet her group. Back home to figure out gear, laundry, a few minutes with my boys, cleaning, breakfast... what did I have? I'm trying to remember if I had anything? hmmm.
Anyhow, maybe I didn't eat. I know what I did for lunch though I made fried Udon noodles, been a little while since I had that. It's a quick easy meal and cabbage gives me nice calm energy.
I was able to use the fresh parsley from my own back yard what you might call a garden but not so much this year. I have parsley, basil and cilantro and some weeds for now. lol
Then I was out the door to do my engagement session. They were so sweet and fun, and she is beautiful! I mean I just love her smile and face and attitude. :-) Not only that it was 100% humidity and her hair was amazingly frizz free! It's the little things. lol It was fun, but it was a bit daunting in that the weather was threatening some wicked strength the whole time. I wasn't sure if we could pull off a full session. We did though, and I love their images! I think engagements are just definitely one of the most joyful things to do in life. :-) Cassie & Joe click if you want to see their preview.
I did though get caught in the deluge on the way home, first off the interstate was backed up, so I was on the back roads. The sky let loose! Buckets of rain, hydroplaning on the flash flooded road, not to mention the hail that was pounding my car! ugh I was tempted to stop and get myself something less than stellar.
I called Joel to check the radar on his computer and see if I should keep driving or pull over. I made it out of the worst of the weather and resisted temptation. I made it home.
I had 30 mins before it was time to get back in the car with kids and daughter and drive her up to Lebanon to meet her friend where she is spending the weekend. I had a bad headache from the weather front and the tension of driving in those awful conditions.
Harrisen made me a small bowl of coconut milk ice cream. :-) My yes it's stellar treat. lol
It was 2 hours at least on the road there and back, we had veggie subs for dinner me and the kids before her friend arrived.
Came home, to crash,.. but my bladder kept me up and I had those engagement pictures calling to me. I was up to 3AM drinking water, letting meds kick in, editing pictures.
This morning I slept late, and all I've had so far is a piece of bread with almond butter. I've handle client emails, and details, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the downstairs, and now I'm blogging! ha
In a little while we are going to head out me, hubby and the boys for a late lunch early dinner. I don't know what I'll be having as we are doing wher Joel wants to go, so I'll have a challenge in finding vegan, but I know I can do it. ;-)
At any rate, I don't feel so bad about Tuesday now. I had to have that protein from McD's to get through the cleaning, drugs and lack of sleep. All my sister had that was close to vegan was the peanut butter, white bread, and oreo's (which is running joke with some of my friends because apparently they count as vegan lol), and the oysters well we already know I've decided that's my one treat, and considering this week and my long days, being sick.... I'm just patting myself on the back for getting through this at all!
Maybe tomorrow I can buy some fresh foods, and cook something fancy for dinner. :-) I miss a nice big vegan inspiration meal.
Ok this is a BIG catch up this week, sorry for the long post. Just makes me feel better to have it all down.
I wanted to share our cooking on Monday, we made egg rolls ourselves. Now I didn't know that the egg part came from the wrap, sadly it's last ingredient is 'eggs'. So even though it said 'spring rolls or egg rolls' I need to go with the 'rice' wrap in the future. Still we were so in the mood for egg rolls we made them anyhow. lol
I was also being adventurous and trying some new foods, two kinds of mushrooms (which I neglected to write down what they were but packaged in plastic and known for their B vitamins and from japan?), also a new green leafy veggie that started with a "T". Maybe I can find out what they were next time I shop. :-)
I added these items to the stir fry and the egg rolls. New flavors, fresh cooked, it all came together so nicely we had a variation for lunch and dinner as well.
One of the types of mushrooms and the new leafy green in the back ground.
Thursday was also a big day. Up at the crack of dawn to take my daughter to do her volunteer bible education work. Home to get all my gear together and checked and packed, etc. Husband was home all day to keep the boys.
I was still taking pain relievers, benedryl, and prelief to ease the pain from the IC. I felt terrible and dizzy and just slap exhausted. I had a long day ahead of me, as we were going out to document the Helping Healing Hearts golf charity fund raising event.
I ate a bowl of rice with a little maple syrup and lots of walnuts for breakfast. My body was so off kilter that my pupils were dilating big to small rapidly and each eye at different rates. It took the breakfast a while to start kicking in and helping me stabilize. I realized I would have to stop taking any more medicine and hope that the IC pain would hold off for the day.
I picked up my daughter at 10:30 and we hurried up and had Ezekiel wrapped burritos, basically I threw in whatever we had, beans, rice, veggies, tofu. It was an odd mix of flavors but we didn't' care we just wanted to be sure to eat something that would make sure we could keep up with our day.
(Miranda on the golf course bridge waiting for the next team to make it to the hole)
Well we wrapped up and headed out at a 5:45, and drove back home quickly. One of my daughters friends was in her jr. high talent show and we really needed to make it. It started at 6:15, so no time for shower, or changing, or even a bite. We went straight there, hot, tired and hungry.
Still it was such a cute event! I mean some well you wonder, but there was some real talent too. lol It was fun, and then we ate out at Taco Express, "veggie/vegan" burritos. Wow, sometimes food tastes so good. ha ha
Home for 10PM, hot bath and to bed, with drugs to ensure my bladder let me get my much needed sleep.
Friday was more of the same, up at the crack of dawn to take daughter to meet her group. Back home to figure out gear, laundry, a few minutes with my boys, cleaning, breakfast... what did I have? I'm trying to remember if I had anything? hmmm.
Anyhow, maybe I didn't eat. I know what I did for lunch though I made fried Udon noodles, been a little while since I had that. It's a quick easy meal and cabbage gives me nice calm energy.
I was able to use the fresh parsley from my own back yard what you might call a garden but not so much this year. I have parsley, basil and cilantro and some weeds for now. lol
Then I was out the door to do my engagement session. They were so sweet and fun, and she is beautiful! I mean I just love her smile and face and attitude. :-) Not only that it was 100% humidity and her hair was amazingly frizz free! It's the little things. lol It was fun, but it was a bit daunting in that the weather was threatening some wicked strength the whole time. I wasn't sure if we could pull off a full session. We did though, and I love their images! I think engagements are just definitely one of the most joyful things to do in life. :-) Cassie & Joe click if you want to see their preview.
I did though get caught in the deluge on the way home, first off the interstate was backed up, so I was on the back roads. The sky let loose! Buckets of rain, hydroplaning on the flash flooded road, not to mention the hail that was pounding my car! ugh I was tempted to stop and get myself something less than stellar.
I called Joel to check the radar on his computer and see if I should keep driving or pull over. I made it out of the worst of the weather and resisted temptation. I made it home.
I had 30 mins before it was time to get back in the car with kids and daughter and drive her up to Lebanon to meet her friend where she is spending the weekend. I had a bad headache from the weather front and the tension of driving in those awful conditions.
Harrisen made me a small bowl of coconut milk ice cream. :-) My yes it's stellar treat. lol
It was 2 hours at least on the road there and back, we had veggie subs for dinner me and the kids before her friend arrived.
Came home, to crash,.. but my bladder kept me up and I had those engagement pictures calling to me. I was up to 3AM drinking water, letting meds kick in, editing pictures.
This morning I slept late, and all I've had so far is a piece of bread with almond butter. I've handle client emails, and details, cleaned the kitchen, vacuumed the downstairs, and now I'm blogging! ha
In a little while we are going to head out me, hubby and the boys for a late lunch early dinner. I don't know what I'll be having as we are doing wher Joel wants to go, so I'll have a challenge in finding vegan, but I know I can do it. ;-)
At any rate, I don't feel so bad about Tuesday now. I had to have that protein from McD's to get through the cleaning, drugs and lack of sleep. All my sister had that was close to vegan was the peanut butter, white bread, and oreo's (which is running joke with some of my friends because apparently they count as vegan lol), and the oysters well we already know I've decided that's my one treat, and considering this week and my long days, being sick.... I'm just patting myself on the back for getting through this at all!
Maybe tomorrow I can buy some fresh foods, and cook something fancy for dinner. :-) I miss a nice big vegan inspiration meal.
Ok this is a BIG catch up this week, sorry for the long post. Just makes me feel better to have it all down.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Flair ..... fall ...... sweetest moments
Monday, I was finding myself feeling very emotional, strung out and unable to keep my cool. By Monday night the reason was painfully apparent. My first "flair" since going Vegan. Not a pretty thing. I have a medical condition that has reared it's ugly self again, IC . If you've ever had a UTI then you can at least comprehend a little what it's like.
I was up at 2AM digging through every drawer and cabinet to find something to ease the pain. I couldn't find but one of my helpers, and it wasn't doing the trick. I came down stairs to the computer to find out if there was anything on the site to help or try that I might have forgotten or not known about. Suggestion, acetaminophen and anti histamine. I had Excedrin and Benedryl, that with a hot bath and I managed to get 3 hours of sleep.
I have this crazy week of things going on and I do not have time to get sick! Do any of us? I think not. sigh I get up Tuesday and well your not suppose to make long drives when your flair. It's an hour to my sisters house, who needs my help. I go, and clean her house all day for her. (she's about to have her 2nd son). It actually felt good. I was able to take my frustration of being in pain and the worry of how bad will it get this week out on the messes that needed to be cleaned. So in a way I felt better even though it wore me out more.
What did I eat though? yeah your not going to be happy with me. I drove through and got a chicken biscuit on the way to her house that morning, had bunny bread (the white stuff) with 'natural' whatever that's suppose to mean Jiff peanut butter (lots of sugar), and 2 of those oreo stick things? When I left her house between the Excedrin and Benedryl, excessive amount of sugar I was not myself, nor did I care. I called my husband to go out for dinner with me. We went to Cajun Steamers, I had fried oysters and fried okra. Yeah I'm having a good day, not. sigh
Yesterday I did a little better, slept a little later to catch myself up. Got a text from my photographer friend who wanted to 'practice' family. She is doing this amazing day of shooting families on the rail road tracks with her awesome RED couch on Saturday. Being as she gives families more time than the time slots she's trying for this event, she wanted to do a run through. I wanted pics on that red couch! lol So in 45 mins I went from drugged PJ Mom to coordinated family out the door for fancy photo shoot Mom.
I grabbed some of our left over egg rolls to eat at the shoot. When we get home our former neighbor is in the state. We had a play date, she arrives, and we talk the boys play I ignore the fact that I'm hungry, because will I'm on Exedrin and Benedryl and I'm not myself at all. I feel wonky, dizzy, hyper, dazed, on edge all at the same time. BUT my bladder doesn't burn and hurt. ??? sigh
Then I'm out the door to take my daughter to her Drivers Ed class. I have 3 hours to kill. I go to Pancho's veggie fajita's it is. I'm painfully aware of every single spice I now taste in this food, knowing it's an irritant to my condition. I'm starving though! It's nearly 4PM and I've two egg rolls all day. I bring the left overs for my daughter on her break to try and wolf down. I spent the rest of my time at Sam's Club in the fancy $500 out door swing reading a Michael Pollan book In Defense of Food. Hard read in that he is wordy and genius, but very interesting information. I'm going to have to buy myself a copy.
We get home and have 15 mins to change and make our bible meeting. Out the door. Get home 10PM, and I'm just sick of this drugged haze I'm in. This is how I always felt, wired up and dazed! I've worked so hard to avoid these feelings this exact physical and mental state and here I am drugging myself to keep going. sigh
Sadly I have two more days of this to get through. Today I'm off to donate my professional services to a worthy cause. HHH. They are having a fund raising golfing event and I'll be photographing the teams and details of the day. Then tomorrow I have an engagement session and need to drive my daughter out to her friends 99 miles from our driveway to theirs. So to say I'll be pushing my body is an understatement.
I need to be off my feet, and taking total care of myself so that this flair is short lived, but of course it happens when that's impossible. I'm hoping I can crash on Saturday, and that I'll be able to recoup quickly. I have a wedding at the end of the month and I know I have to be OK by then.
Anyhow.... yesterday I did fine as a Vegan but under ate. I'm back on track with food. I don't know how today will go. I'm going to go make myself a real Vegan breakfast and hope that helps me some to get this drugged feeling under control. sigh Sorry no photo's for now.
So your wondering.... Flair/IC, fall/bad food choices, sweetest moments???? Last night at our congregation my youngest son started to cry, I had no idea what was wrong so I made him get up and we went out side to talk. He was remembering his Grandpa's funeral and feeling really sad and missing his Grandpa. :-( He opened up to me and started to feel better. He said "I need a real hug" and grabbed me we hugged and suddenly be both realized he was reaching all the way around me! His fingers could touch on the other side! My son is nearly 11 and he's never been able to reach all the way around me when he's hugged me. We both cried and laughed! So there it is my sweetest moment in all this chaos and drama. :-)
I was up at 2AM digging through every drawer and cabinet to find something to ease the pain. I couldn't find but one of my helpers, and it wasn't doing the trick. I came down stairs to the computer to find out if there was anything on the site to help or try that I might have forgotten or not known about. Suggestion, acetaminophen and anti histamine. I had Excedrin and Benedryl, that with a hot bath and I managed to get 3 hours of sleep.
I have this crazy week of things going on and I do not have time to get sick! Do any of us? I think not. sigh I get up Tuesday and well your not suppose to make long drives when your flair. It's an hour to my sisters house, who needs my help. I go, and clean her house all day for her. (she's about to have her 2nd son). It actually felt good. I was able to take my frustration of being in pain and the worry of how bad will it get this week out on the messes that needed to be cleaned. So in a way I felt better even though it wore me out more.
What did I eat though? yeah your not going to be happy with me. I drove through and got a chicken biscuit on the way to her house that morning, had bunny bread (the white stuff) with 'natural' whatever that's suppose to mean Jiff peanut butter (lots of sugar), and 2 of those oreo stick things? When I left her house between the Excedrin and Benedryl, excessive amount of sugar I was not myself, nor did I care. I called my husband to go out for dinner with me. We went to Cajun Steamers, I had fried oysters and fried okra. Yeah I'm having a good day, not. sigh
Yesterday I did a little better, slept a little later to catch myself up. Got a text from my photographer friend who wanted to 'practice' family. She is doing this amazing day of shooting families on the rail road tracks with her awesome RED couch on Saturday. Being as she gives families more time than the time slots she's trying for this event, she wanted to do a run through. I wanted pics on that red couch! lol So in 45 mins I went from drugged PJ Mom to coordinated family out the door for fancy photo shoot Mom.
I grabbed some of our left over egg rolls to eat at the shoot. When we get home our former neighbor is in the state. We had a play date, she arrives, and we talk the boys play I ignore the fact that I'm hungry, because will I'm on Exedrin and Benedryl and I'm not myself at all. I feel wonky, dizzy, hyper, dazed, on edge all at the same time. BUT my bladder doesn't burn and hurt. ??? sigh
Then I'm out the door to take my daughter to her Drivers Ed class. I have 3 hours to kill. I go to Pancho's veggie fajita's it is. I'm painfully aware of every single spice I now taste in this food, knowing it's an irritant to my condition. I'm starving though! It's nearly 4PM and I've two egg rolls all day. I bring the left overs for my daughter on her break to try and wolf down. I spent the rest of my time at Sam's Club in the fancy $500 out door swing reading a Michael Pollan book In Defense of Food. Hard read in that he is wordy and genius, but very interesting information. I'm going to have to buy myself a copy.
We get home and have 15 mins to change and make our bible meeting. Out the door. Get home 10PM, and I'm just sick of this drugged haze I'm in. This is how I always felt, wired up and dazed! I've worked so hard to avoid these feelings this exact physical and mental state and here I am drugging myself to keep going. sigh
Sadly I have two more days of this to get through. Today I'm off to donate my professional services to a worthy cause. HHH. They are having a fund raising golfing event and I'll be photographing the teams and details of the day. Then tomorrow I have an engagement session and need to drive my daughter out to her friends 99 miles from our driveway to theirs. So to say I'll be pushing my body is an understatement.
I need to be off my feet, and taking total care of myself so that this flair is short lived, but of course it happens when that's impossible. I'm hoping I can crash on Saturday, and that I'll be able to recoup quickly. I have a wedding at the end of the month and I know I have to be OK by then.
Anyhow.... yesterday I did fine as a Vegan but under ate. I'm back on track with food. I don't know how today will go. I'm going to go make myself a real Vegan breakfast and hope that helps me some to get this drugged feeling under control. sigh Sorry no photo's for now.
So your wondering.... Flair/IC, fall/bad food choices, sweetest moments???? Last night at our congregation my youngest son started to cry, I had no idea what was wrong so I made him get up and we went out side to talk. He was remembering his Grandpa's funeral and feeling really sad and missing his Grandpa. :-( He opened up to me and started to feel better. He said "I need a real hug" and grabbed me we hugged and suddenly be both realized he was reaching all the way around me! His fingers could touch on the other side! My son is nearly 11 and he's never been able to reach all the way around me when he's hugged me. We both cried and laughed! So there it is my sweetest moment in all this chaos and drama. :-)
Monday, May 10, 2010
Success's
Well guess what?! My husband noticed I'm loosing weight! You might think of course he would be the first to notice, but that's just about opposite of the truth. lol I could get 12 inches cut off my hair and the man would likely not know for days until I asked him to LOOK at my hair. ha ha He is known for being oblivious to changes around him at home. He works hard so we forgive him. ;-) Anyhow, his saying so was so big to me, because it means it's real. :-)
I've noticed the changes of course, but it's so nice to have it validated. I have these Capri jeans, and I can't wear them with a belt, because the belt would be up under my bra. lol What that means in pounds I have no idea, have a changed a dress size? I'm not really sure, but definitely half a dress size. :-)
The loss is different than other times I've went down a bit. These changes are deeper, and many subtle things have changed in my body and mind. One big thing is calm, I feel calmer at all times, even when I'm hectic and stressed, physically I have this calm in my cells.
Another change is that when I'm upset, or have a mood swing I actually do know what I'm upset about. It no longer feels random or unprovoked. I know exactly what I'm mood swinging over and can tell my family, let me be I'm so upset about ..... SO much better for all of us. I feel a sense of dignity in that instead of this out of control moment where I snap at someone and don't know why? Eating bad things for you masks what your feeling, so you don't know what's going on within. There is no mask now, it's just real my mind is not fuzzy anymore.
We've eaten out several times over the past 3 day weekend. At the movies we saw two in a row "How to save your Dragon" and "Iron Man 2". I did have some popcorn, but no butter and only some. We had had vegan burrito's before hand and that got us through. One new place for me was Buca di Beppo . My daughter and I had their green salad, and veggie pizza with no cheese! So nice to have a new place for special occasions.
Today we are going to make our own egg rolls. I'm excited about trying this out. I love egg rolls, so making our own is a great way to keep them vegan. ;-)
One of the other things I've learned is how key breakfast is. I really need it to be very SuperHero at least 4 times a week to keep on track. It's that start to the day and commitment to my plan, but also it really keeps me feeling my very best.
Sunday morning I made steamed bok choy, miso soup, and fried mochi. It was so delicious. Of course the men in our lives only had the Mochi! lol Still it was really yummy, and the first time I've made the mochi usually Miranda has made it. We had two types, cinnamon raisin and regular.
Sunday Breakfast!
Fried Mochi tastes so much like mini french toasts, and with the real maple syrup it's definitely a delicious sweet treat!
I've noticed the changes of course, but it's so nice to have it validated. I have these Capri jeans, and I can't wear them with a belt, because the belt would be up under my bra. lol What that means in pounds I have no idea, have a changed a dress size? I'm not really sure, but definitely half a dress size. :-)
The loss is different than other times I've went down a bit. These changes are deeper, and many subtle things have changed in my body and mind. One big thing is calm, I feel calmer at all times, even when I'm hectic and stressed, physically I have this calm in my cells.
Another change is that when I'm upset, or have a mood swing I actually do know what I'm upset about. It no longer feels random or unprovoked. I know exactly what I'm mood swinging over and can tell my family, let me be I'm so upset about ..... SO much better for all of us. I feel a sense of dignity in that instead of this out of control moment where I snap at someone and don't know why? Eating bad things for you masks what your feeling, so you don't know what's going on within. There is no mask now, it's just real my mind is not fuzzy anymore.
We've eaten out several times over the past 3 day weekend. At the movies we saw two in a row "How to save your Dragon" and "Iron Man 2". I did have some popcorn, but no butter and only some. We had had vegan burrito's before hand and that got us through. One new place for me was Buca di Beppo . My daughter and I had their green salad, and veggie pizza with no cheese! So nice to have a new place for special occasions.
Today we are going to make our own egg rolls. I'm excited about trying this out. I love egg rolls, so making our own is a great way to keep them vegan. ;-)
One of the other things I've learned is how key breakfast is. I really need it to be very SuperHero at least 4 times a week to keep on track. It's that start to the day and commitment to my plan, but also it really keeps me feeling my very best.
Sunday morning I made steamed bok choy, miso soup, and fried mochi. It was so delicious. Of course the men in our lives only had the Mochi! lol Still it was really yummy, and the first time I've made the mochi usually Miranda has made it. We had two types, cinnamon raisin and regular.
Sunday Breakfast!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Eating out & calorie counting
This week has been hectic and we've ate out often. Here though is a pasta dinner we made one night. Quick, vegan, organic, comforting. I love putting tons of things into my salads, nuts are such a great replacement for croutons.
Which between this and having watched Ruby, my daughter loosing two dress sizes and me none. It has had me looking more at my calorie count even in my vegan choices. I need to watch for those hidden calories when I'm out. And I could lay off the coconut milk ice cream a little. I mean it's so expensive I can't afford to eat much, and one container has 4 servings 150 calories each. I get at least 6 servers out of the carton. So it's a little at a time just to keep me from cheating in a bad way.
So we settled on beans, a green salad with oil and vinegar, and fried okra. I'm pretty sure they used a ham hock to add flavor to those beans, but I didn't eat any meat in my bowl. The salad wasn't much, ice burg lettuce, tomato and cucumber. The fried okra was a treat. We enjoyed our meal and felt proud of ourselves, because you know how those hole in the wall back country diners hamburgers are so good! They brought them out to other tables over and over, they looked great.
I wasn't as tempted as one might think, because well I know that makes me feel terrible! I would have been over full, weighed down, bloated, and too miserable for the tour. We kept each other on the path. Even though right there at our table was a reminder of how the food industry wants you to keep blinders on and consume what they want to sell:
Just look at that message! Need I say more?? I think not, I may not be fighting a moral battle here on my choice to be a vegan. Like I said in the beginning I'm just a person trying to save myself, my health. Yet you have to take a second to think on this one don't you. How does advertising shape your food choices?
We have been going to Genghis Grill , and having Vegan Fajita's at Mexican place (asking for whole beans is helpful) this week. It's been extra hectic, we have a visiting speaker at our congregation all week, so we have extra activities, my husband is on a stay at home vacation, and my daughter started her driving classes which keep me on the road back and forth dropping her and picking her up. I've been going going going and hardly home. So cooking hasn't happened much. I've made one breakfast this week, had it twice. Skipped breakfast twice as well. Then end up having to eat out to survive. Which got me asking Genghis for their ingredient list on those sauces. What a shocker! I mean I figured they had some sugar, but one of them it was the first ingredient and in others it was in 3 different forms. OK this doesn't even take into consideration the calories! 100+ in some per pump! it takes 5-6 pumps to fill up your cup thingy. So there you go healthful meal ruined so quickly. At all costs avoid those pumped sauces! sheesh.
Which between this and having watched Ruby, my daughter loosing two dress sizes and me none. It has had me looking more at my calorie count even in my vegan choices. I need to watch for those hidden calories when I'm out. And I could lay off the coconut milk ice cream a little. I mean it's so expensive I can't afford to eat much, and one container has 4 servings 150 calories each. I get at least 6 servers out of the carton. So it's a little at a time just to keep me from cheating in a bad way.
Still I want to loose weight. Which I did get some help on that topic the other night. I was talking to a newer friend of mine. Who's lost weight and struggled. She told me she's lost 20-30 pounds and didn't go down a whole dress size. It got me to thinking about this... how much I do go up and down in my weight and not change my actual dress size. Hmmmmm, tied in with that denial thread when I was watching Ruby. I realize that I probably do go up and down 20+ pounds on a regular basis and just ignored it all this time.
Anyhow, I have lost weight (not brave enough to add a scale to this venture yet but I'm considering one). I can see it in several ways now, my pants and sleeves are longer. I know that sounds silly but when your round and you become less round things hang down farther that's all. My waist bands go up higher than before, and my skirts are longer now.
Tuesday I put on a dress I quit wearing and it looked really nice on me again! :-) It made me feel so happy! I could really tell I'm loosing some bulk. yeah! Motivation!
On that same day we took a drive as a family to Lynchburg, TN to take the tour of where they make Jack Daniels. Something fun and vacation oriented my husband came up with. We've lived here 10 years and never gone. So it was high time. (it also was a break from all the stress of the recent bad weather)
Well finding a Vegan lunch in this tiny town based on tourist who want to buy whiskey was a bit of a challenge to say the least.
We went to several places and read through their menu's trying to find a decent meal that would keep us going.
Miranda pondering the choices?
I wasn't as tempted as one might think, because well I know that makes me feel terrible! I would have been over full, weighed down, bloated, and too miserable for the tour. We kept each other on the path. Even though right there at our table was a reminder of how the food industry wants you to keep blinders on and consume what they want to sell:
Just look at that message! Need I say more?? I think not, I may not be fighting a moral battle here on my choice to be a vegan. Like I said in the beginning I'm just a person trying to save myself, my health. Yet you have to take a second to think on this one don't you. How does advertising shape your food choices?
Ruby and Thoughts of Food
There is this show on the Style network Ruby http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/index.jsp it's pretty amazing real life story. I've been watching since last year. Ruby is a brave woman on a journey to regain her life and loose weight. She started at over 700 pounds and now is in the mid 300's. Her new season of shows has started, and I watched her 2 hour premier this week. She did something new, a group therapy experience. It's something I've actually done before, though mine wasn't based around weight issues. I felt for her, I knew what was coming up as the episode progressed, I'd been there done that.
What amazes me about her though is her bravery mixed with a whole lot of denial. I think I can relate to that more than even I want to admit to myself. Only as I go through my own food change journey I see my own denial more clearly. I have to confront it when it's lurks up on me. When I'm driving in town and have this inner head battle over how I will avoid going to get something that will make me feel like crap but I think maybe I miss, or only once won't hurt, or it may be bad for me but it still is basically vegan.... pulling voices battling over what I already know. I've been winning in that I'm not taking actions in the wrong directions. I'll take the time to go somewhere 'safe' to eat, or I'll win and go home to make a meal.
Still I have to admit to myself, there wouldn't even be a discussion in my head if it wasn't an issue for me. So as I watched Ruby and have watched in the past and I can so clearly see her lying to herself and living in such blinded denial..... it reminds me of something I learned in one of those 'therapy boot camps' so to speak. Sometimes the thing you can see so clearly in someone else is only because that 'thing' is clearly you being reflected. In other words you can see it because you know it, because it's YOU.
At any rate, more food for my thoughts. The one way I know I'll succeed is by being completely honest with myself and accountable here. This is my motivation place my place where I have to say what's real and report if I'm doing OK. Maybe that's why Ruby does her show? It helps I must say, when I think oh crap I would have to write down that I had that food!? I resist! So whatever works.
If you ever wondered what it was like to be a messed up struggling over weight person confronting the reasons you eat, you might want to watch Ruby's show on the Style network. You might love her you might not get it at all, but I promise if you pay attention you might just see and learn a little something about the human condition and gain a little compassion for the conundrum of a soul who is brave and weak in a conflicting way that on the outside might not make any sense, you have to get to their core to get it.
What amazes me about her though is her bravery mixed with a whole lot of denial. I think I can relate to that more than even I want to admit to myself. Only as I go through my own food change journey I see my own denial more clearly. I have to confront it when it's lurks up on me. When I'm driving in town and have this inner head battle over how I will avoid going to get something that will make me feel like crap but I think maybe I miss, or only once won't hurt, or it may be bad for me but it still is basically vegan.... pulling voices battling over what I already know. I've been winning in that I'm not taking actions in the wrong directions. I'll take the time to go somewhere 'safe' to eat, or I'll win and go home to make a meal.
Still I have to admit to myself, there wouldn't even be a discussion in my head if it wasn't an issue for me. So as I watched Ruby and have watched in the past and I can so clearly see her lying to herself and living in such blinded denial..... it reminds me of something I learned in one of those 'therapy boot camps' so to speak. Sometimes the thing you can see so clearly in someone else is only because that 'thing' is clearly you being reflected. In other words you can see it because you know it, because it's YOU.
At any rate, more food for my thoughts. The one way I know I'll succeed is by being completely honest with myself and accountable here. This is my motivation place my place where I have to say what's real and report if I'm doing OK. Maybe that's why Ruby does her show? It helps I must say, when I think oh crap I would have to write down that I had that food!? I resist! So whatever works.
If you ever wondered what it was like to be a messed up struggling over weight person confronting the reasons you eat, you might want to watch Ruby's show on the Style network. You might love her you might not get it at all, but I promise if you pay attention you might just see and learn a little something about the human condition and gain a little compassion for the conundrum of a soul who is brave and weak in a conflicting way that on the outside might not make any sense, you have to get to their core to get it.
Stress eating or the lack there of?
I write on this blog every single day.... in my head. ha ha It's so crazy busy of late, so I'm thinking maybe it's going to be this way for good now. My teenaged daughter is taking driving classes. ugh So it begins! The beginning of the end. My life should be chaos from here on out. LOL
Now some of you know I live in the Nashville area, about 25 mins south of it actually. This past weekend we had unprecedented rains. The flooding all around us was mind boggling. Saturday was SO stressful, water rising everywhere, tornado's touching down in our town, and my daughter off doing volunteer bible education work and caught in the middle of everything. Even the path of one of the possible tornado's.
It was a really long day, as the water rose I looked for my chance to get across our small town and get her back home. To no avail! the roads were all submerged and I couldn't even make the normally 10 min drive to retrieve her. I did manage to get her the next day in between down pours. She was exhausted, and so was I.
Here are photo's of our subdivision's park area. It became a raging river for two days.
The waters came perilously close to a few houses in our neighborhood, thank goodness the builders followed codes for the 100 year flood plain the city demanded. We are farther up the road and a big hill so we were not threatened.
The thing is though how did this affect my eating. I mean I had just posted the previous day how this Vegan life was becoming the norm?
I found myself in some old habits. The too stressed to eat, then too starving to eat right pattern. Not good, turns out I can have a few potato chips (natural ones), and a bowl of coconut milk ice cream and ignore my need for a real meal as a Vegan as well as any other way of eating. Not good! I found myself numbed out from hunger, then eating 'junk' (even though way less junky than what I use to have for junk)... still the pattern was all to familiar! Not exactly a healthy way to deal with stress.
Now we were glued to the news for 2 days straight, had the kids and dogs in the closet for hours at a time for the tornado's, watching the water rise and people being swept away off the roads recorded by traffic cameras and watched live as even our shocked and awed news casters were reporting things they'd never seen before either. Not being able to get my daughter safe at home with us.
Maybe most people wouldn't be able to focus on making a well balanced Vegan meal? I don't know I just know I need to hold myself to a higher standard.
Anyhow, when I did get her home and the rains came back in full force and the water again rose all around us. I had a daughter in desperate need of a 'real' meal. This was what I needed the motivation to care for her to help snap me out of not caring for myself.
The new comfort food!
I took what we had and I made us stuffed full of goodness burrito's. Man we both ate like we were starving. lol It was SO good, so much more comforting and calming than potato chips and ice cream! How we ever convince ourselves that junk food is love and comfort? It boggles my mind, especially because I consider myself a decently intelligent person. My daughter and I both felt the calm of the healthy meal come over us, it really is amazing that connection that was lost and we have found.... comfort food, healthful eating.
It just got me thinking about all these things again, pondering this askew relationship so many of us have with food. This experience helped me snap out of it fast, and well too think about it for real and know I can't do this to myself when I stressed anymore.
This is what real comfort food looks like, END of story!
Now some of you know I live in the Nashville area, about 25 mins south of it actually. This past weekend we had unprecedented rains. The flooding all around us was mind boggling. Saturday was SO stressful, water rising everywhere, tornado's touching down in our town, and my daughter off doing volunteer bible education work and caught in the middle of everything. Even the path of one of the possible tornado's.
It was a really long day, as the water rose I looked for my chance to get across our small town and get her back home. To no avail! the roads were all submerged and I couldn't even make the normally 10 min drive to retrieve her. I did manage to get her the next day in between down pours. She was exhausted, and so was I.
Here are photo's of our subdivision's park area. It became a raging river for two days.
The thing is though how did this affect my eating. I mean I had just posted the previous day how this Vegan life was becoming the norm?
I found myself in some old habits. The too stressed to eat, then too starving to eat right pattern. Not good, turns out I can have a few potato chips (natural ones), and a bowl of coconut milk ice cream and ignore my need for a real meal as a Vegan as well as any other way of eating. Not good! I found myself numbed out from hunger, then eating 'junk' (even though way less junky than what I use to have for junk)... still the pattern was all to familiar! Not exactly a healthy way to deal with stress.
Now we were glued to the news for 2 days straight, had the kids and dogs in the closet for hours at a time for the tornado's, watching the water rise and people being swept away off the roads recorded by traffic cameras and watched live as even our shocked and awed news casters were reporting things they'd never seen before either. Not being able to get my daughter safe at home with us.
Maybe most people wouldn't be able to focus on making a well balanced Vegan meal? I don't know I just know I need to hold myself to a higher standard.
Anyhow, when I did get her home and the rains came back in full force and the water again rose all around us. I had a daughter in desperate need of a 'real' meal. This was what I needed the motivation to care for her to help snap me out of not caring for myself.
The new comfort food!
It just got me thinking about all these things again, pondering this askew relationship so many of us have with food. This experience helped me snap out of it fast, and well too think about it for real and know I can't do this to myself when I stressed anymore.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Really cool thing
So through Facebook I was contacted by a friend, and she requested a story about my becoming a Vegan for her online magazine. WOW pretty cool! It's exciting I wrote it, they did some edits and choose a few pictures I submitted and presto I'm now a published writer. OK not really does this count? ha ha I don't know, but it was definitely fun!
Here's the link: nashvillenewzine.com/Food.html
In other news, ya know how I love Genghis Grill, here's a caution note. The sauces! 100+ calories PER pump! and FULL of sugars. beware all that goodness quickly goes out the window when you had several pumps of sauces. ugh I was shocked, I mean I knew they probably were sugared up, but 100+ calories per pump?? Wow, quickly making a meal high calorie and sugar filled. So BEWARE of hidden out to eat calories and sugars.
OK got way too much to do right now but wanted to make this quick post before I forgot.
Here's the link: nashvillenewzine.com/Food.html
In other news, ya know how I love Genghis Grill, here's a caution note. The sauces! 100+ calories PER pump! and FULL of sugars. beware all that goodness quickly goes out the window when you had several pumps of sauces. ugh I was shocked, I mean I knew they probably were sugared up, but 100+ calories per pump?? Wow, quickly making a meal high calorie and sugar filled. So BEWARE of hidden out to eat calories and sugars.
OK got way too much to do right now but wanted to make this quick post before I forgot.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Delayed in posting
My apologies for my delay in posting. Not keeping up too well with my blog right now. One I live south of Nashville and well all the rain the flooding we had was a huge distraction. On Saturday the roads were so bad I couldn't even get across our tiny town to get my daughter from her friends house. Which considering the condition of areas of Nashville and Franklin was a minor inconvenience in comparison. For me though it was really stressful the thought of our town being cut in half by water, and not being able to have my child home with all that massive flooding and tornado's! ugh
Also though my husband is home taking a week off work. So things are more relaxed, and yet not, you wives know what I mean. ;-) I've been taking photo's and sorta have in my head everything I've had? Anyhow, I will post soon a nice decent post with some food photo's and commentary.
I have a few things to say about stress eating and things I am noticing about myself and old habits. New influences, and the roll of denial in all weight issues.
OK, I'm exhausted it's very late, and more soon I promise!
Also though my husband is home taking a week off work. So things are more relaxed, and yet not, you wives know what I mean. ;-) I've been taking photo's and sorta have in my head everything I've had? Anyhow, I will post soon a nice decent post with some food photo's and commentary.
I have a few things to say about stress eating and things I am noticing about myself and old habits. New influences, and the roll of denial in all weight issues.
OK, I'm exhausted it's very late, and more soon I promise!
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