Ruby and Thoughts of Food

There is this show on the Style network Ruby http://www.mystyle.com/mystyle/shows/ruby/index.jsp  it's pretty amazing real life story. I've been watching since last year. Ruby is a brave woman on a journey to regain her life and loose weight. She started at over 700 pounds and now is in the mid 300's. Her new season of shows has started, and I watched her 2 hour premier this week. She did something new, a group therapy experience. It's something I've actually done before, though mine wasn't based around weight issues. I felt for her, I knew what was coming up as the episode progressed, I'd been there done that.
What amazes me about her though is her bravery mixed with a whole lot of denial. I think I can relate to that more than even I want to admit to myself. Only as I go through my own food change journey I see my own denial more clearly. I have to confront it when it's lurks up on me. When I'm driving in town and have this inner head battle over how I will avoid going to get something that will make me feel like crap but I think maybe I miss, or only once won't hurt, or it may be bad for me but it still is basically vegan.... pulling voices battling over what I already know. I've been winning in that I'm not taking actions in the wrong directions. I'll take the time to go somewhere 'safe' to eat, or I'll win and go home to make a meal.
Still I have to admit to myself, there wouldn't even be a discussion in my head if it wasn't an issue for me. So as I watched Ruby and have watched in the past and I can so clearly see her lying to herself and living in such blinded denial..... it reminds me of something I learned in one of those 'therapy boot camps' so to speak. Sometimes the thing you can see so clearly in someone else is only because that 'thing' is clearly you being reflected. In other words you can see it because you know it, because it's YOU.
At any rate, more food for my thoughts. The one way I know I'll succeed is by being completely honest with myself and accountable here. This is my motivation place my place where I have to say what's real and report if I'm doing OK. Maybe that's why Ruby does her show? It helps I must say, when I think oh crap I would have to write down that I had that food!? I resist! So whatever works.
If you ever wondered what it was like to be a messed up struggling over weight person confronting the reasons you eat, you might want to watch Ruby's show on the Style network. You might love her you might not get it at all, but I promise if you pay attention you might just see and learn a little something about the human condition and gain a little compassion for the conundrum of a soul who is brave and weak in a conflicting way that on the outside might not make any sense, you have to get to their core to get it.

Stress eating or the lack there of?

I write on this blog every single day.... in my head. ha ha It's so crazy busy of late, so I'm thinking maybe it's going to be this way for good now. My teenaged daughter is taking driving classes. ugh So it begins! The beginning of the end. My life should be chaos from here on out. LOL
Now some of you know I live in the Nashville area, about 25 mins south of it actually. This past weekend we had unprecedented rains. The flooding all around us was mind boggling. Saturday was SO stressful, water rising everywhere, tornado's touching down in our town, and my daughter off doing volunteer bible education work and caught in the middle of everything. Even the path of one of the possible tornado's.
It was a really long day, as the water rose I looked for my chance to get across our small town and get her back home. To no avail! the roads were all submerged and I couldn't even make the normally 10 min drive to retrieve her. I did manage to get her the next day in between down pours. She was exhausted, and so was I.
Here are photo's of our subdivision's park area. It became a raging river for two days.

The waters came perilously close to a few houses in our neighborhood, thank goodness the builders followed codes for the 100 year flood plain the city demanded. We are farther up the road and a big hill so we were not threatened.
The thing is though how did this affect my eating. I mean I had just posted the previous day how this Vegan life was becoming the norm?
I found myself in some old habits. The too stressed to eat, then too starving to eat right pattern. Not good, turns out I can have a few potato chips (natural ones), and a bowl of coconut milk ice cream and ignore my need for a real meal as a Vegan as well as any other way of eating. Not good! I found myself numbed out from hunger, then eating 'junk' (even though way less junky than what I use to have for junk)... still the pattern was all to familiar! Not exactly a healthy way to deal with stress.
Now we were glued to the news for 2 days straight, had the kids and dogs in the closet for hours at a time for the tornado's, watching the water rise and people being swept away off the roads recorded by traffic cameras and watched live as even our shocked and awed news casters were reporting things they'd never seen before either. Not being able to get my daughter safe at home with us.
Maybe most people wouldn't be able to focus on making a well balanced Vegan meal? I don't know I just know I need to hold myself to a higher standard.
Anyhow, when I did get her home and the rains came back in full force and the water again rose all around us. I had a daughter in desperate need of a 'real' meal. This was what I needed the motivation to care for her to help snap me out of not caring for myself.
The new comfort food!

I took what we had and I made us stuffed full of goodness burrito's. Man we both ate like we were starving. lol It was SO good, so much more comforting and calming than potato chips and ice cream! How we ever convince ourselves that junk food is love and comfort? It boggles my mind, especially because I consider myself a decently intelligent person. My daughter and I both felt the calm of the healthy meal come over us, it really is amazing that connection that was lost and we have found.... comfort food, healthful eating.
It just got me thinking about all these things again, pondering this askew relationship so many of us have with food. This experience helped me snap out of it fast, and well too think about it for real and know I can't do this to myself when I stressed anymore.

This is what real comfort food looks like, END of story!

Really cool thing

So through Facebook I was contacted by a friend, and she requested a story about my becoming a Vegan for her online magazine. WOW pretty cool! It's exciting I wrote it, they did some edits and choose a few pictures I submitted and presto I'm now a published writer. OK not really does this count? ha ha I don't know, but it was definitely fun!


Here's the link:  nashvillenewzine.com/Food.html

In other news, ya know how I love Genghis Grill, here's a caution note. The sauces! 100+ calories PER pump! and FULL of sugars. beware all that goodness quickly goes out the window when you had several pumps of sauces. ugh I was shocked, I mean I knew they probably were sugared up, but 100+ calories per pump?? Wow, quickly making a meal high calorie and sugar filled. So BEWARE of hidden out to eat calories and sugars.

OK got way too much to do right now but wanted to make this quick post before I forgot.

Delayed in posting

My apologies for my delay in posting. Not keeping up too well with my blog right now. One I live south of Nashville and well all the rain the flooding we had was a huge distraction. On Saturday the roads were so bad I couldn't even get across our tiny town to get my daughter from her friends house. Which considering the condition of areas of Nashville and Franklin was a minor inconvenience in comparison. For me though it was really stressful the thought of our town being cut in half by water, and not being able to have my child home with all that massive flooding and tornado's! ugh
Also though my husband is home taking a week off work. So things are more relaxed, and yet not, you wives know what I mean. ;-) I've been taking photo's and sorta have in my head everything I've had? Anyhow, I will post soon a nice decent post with some food photo's and commentary.
I have a few things to say about stress eating and things I am noticing about myself and old habits. New influences, and the roll of denial in all weight issues.
OK, I'm exhausted it's very late, and more soon I promise!

Becoming the norm

So far I really think considering that I dropped everything and become a full fledged Vegan one day, I'm doing very well. It's too early and I've had too little sleep the past two nights to remember everything I've had the past 3 days, but I think the constant menu blog may become a little boring anyhow. ;-)

I'm finding that when I'm having to find options out I've now got my 'go to' places picked out. This is a big help! I hope to find other places that also have viable options over time.

Since I've been going hectic w/o a schedule that makes any sense. I find I've missed having that hour in the AM, the quiet one where I'm boiling water for my Miso, have my grains simmering into a thick warm yum, with steam rising through the holes in my steamer making my greens tender and hot. It's a new joy for me, gives me a sense of control and peace in the morning to get it off to solid healthy start. No I can't always manage it, but the fact that I miss it when that's the case, and that I am enjoying the cooking so much when I can! Remember just a little while ago I thought I'd never have time for this!? I thought this is so much work can I really do this and it be practical? Also I laugh at how I never thought soup and greens would be a tasty breakfast and now I crave it!

I set my mind to make this a life change, telling myself "I am a Vegan" one day and believing it. Funny thing was I didn't question myself, I just did it. Now though with proof, a little time, and success... I am becoming a very good 'Vegan'. I thought I would miss so many things! So many foods I totally do not even think about? It's so surprising, especially when I never thought I'd be a person who could live w/o steak.

I've found two weaknesses, cheese dip when we are out at Pancho's (I confess if my son is with me who lives on it I will dip a chip or two). Two an occasional coke when my body is so whacked out I relapse into a life time addiction to the beverage. I think the coke will resolve itself after my body has become more detoxed. I make the commitment to myself when I do slip up that I am banished from having one two days in a row no matter what! I've been having a few dizzy episodes lately, and my girl hormones are a bit messed up. To be expected from what I've read, my body has years and years of detox to catch up on.

So I'm here now though this place between new to me and the new norm, and I'm finding myself easily slipping into this is my new norm. I have all new cravings, new snacks, new rewards, and new loves. I know which foods I really need some days even. I plan left overs in my head, and grocery lists are on my mind. Today is a pay day and I so look forward to finding what fresh greens are available this week!

So here are a few pic's. I've had some good mornings of late and early peaceful cooking is my new love. Who would have guessed. lol

Miso soup and steamed collard greens. (above)

Polenta/Millet porridge with toasted ground pumpkin seeds.

This is a mix of lentals and beans, and a mix of wild, sweet, brown and other lovely grains and rice, with a side of kale chips. Just a nice varity for the benefit of many nutrients. I put Flax Oil and Umboshi Vinegar mix over beans and rice for extra flavor and my Omega's.

The sharpening

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttdTCJxv6uw

why my knives aren't sharp. ha ha, well I finally got fed up with how my new knives aren't sharp and decided to learn what I was doing wrong. Feeling a bit uneducated here, but turns out that big long steel stick doesn't really sharpen them anyhow. lol So I need a stone it would seem to get them to the sharpness I want. So I'll be out to buy a stone on grocery shopping day tomorrow.

More posts coming, just thought I would share about dull knives. LOL

Fighting through the busy followed by the lazy. ;-)

So Sunday, I was tired and trying to take it easy. I ended up skipping a morning even my lunch meals, I thought I was going to cook, but just ran short on time. After our bible meetings, we ended up eating out. I had the Vegan Fajita's. I wish our local place served black beans, even whole beans would be nice, because I'm always missing my protein when we eat there.

We ran into some friends while there, that happens often it's a small town. So an acquaintance came up and asked me about my blog, she had just heard about it from others she was eating out with. It was nice knowing that I have readers and that they find this journey interesting enough to mention. That REALLY helps keep me accountable! So thank you readers for that, your helping me out more than you know.

Last night I also went over to my good friend Amanda's house and made a small pot of Miso soup for her, gave her a tub of Miso, and a few Daikons, dried seaweed, and an organic onion so she could use her other ingredients and make some more soon. She had the entire pot for dinner. So I'm taking that as a definite compliment that it was good! ;-)

Today I again intended to make a 'real' breakfast, porridge, miso, steamed greens. Again I got caught up in everything else. Instead of skipping eating though I had Ezekiel toast with Earth Balance spread and Organic Apple butter that is only apples, along with a small glass of unsweetened vanilla almond milk. I rarely drink anything but water so it was a treat. I would have taken a photo of my simple meal, but I had eaten half by the time I thought to do so. ha

I'm still pretty wore out from my trip, and helping my sister and trying to keep my head above water at home. My house is falling apart, we've been behind on schooling too, not to mention all the editing that is calling to me every single day begging me to put it first. I use to stay up all night to get my editing accomplished, I've not seemed to be able to force my body to do that of late. I am literally finding myself falling asleep whenever I sit down for even a few minutes. I'm pretty danged whipped right now. I've had way too many pans in the fire, some days it feels like everything I have to do in it's self is a full time job, keeping my house up, teaching the kids, my photography, and learning how to manage being a Vegan. I think over all I'm doing a pretty good job, I am believing more energy will come as I hopefully loose some weight.

Today I snacked lightly on hummus and organic blue corn chips, also had a handful of pecans and a couple prunes. Prunes are a good source of iron and I'm pretty much thinking I'm not getting enough. I did a full battery of blood tests, and other tests before I started this so I would know where I was and were I go with the changes. I've felt some big improvements in my health, I feel much calmer (making it easier to pass out when I rest lol). My heart seems happier it has this crazy beat thing it does, (had that checked out years ago it's not a murmur something else with a big name, but it's electrical and not life threatening), anyhow now when it goes a little wonky it seems it's because it's happy instead of stress. I do not get out of breath and I'm not getting so easily over heated and sweaty anymore. BOTH of those last things are wonderful when I'm working! :-)

So between the busy getting slightly more under control for now and the back lash of being too busy where the lazy exhausted person wants to quit everything and crawl in bed. I've found a way to keep going. So onto today's food photo's.

Lunch, we had thin crispy pizza because we have left over Tofu cream and it doesn't keep long so we had to eat it. Yeah like I minded! ha this is one of my favorite treats.

I added fresh basil from my own small garden, and fresh parsley to my salad from my garden. So much flavor in such little greens.

Dinner was soup al a Bob's Red Mill Vegi soup mix, I added organic carrots, onion & celery, along with half water and half organic vegatable broth, a dash of  Edens Mirin, and some Shoyu, the last few simmering moments Barley Miso. I thought it was hearty and delicious, and I had it by it's self. I ate alone though because the boys/men had Red Baron Pepperoni pizza and my daughter is at her Vegan friends house for dinner.

Topped with fresh parsley and Gomashio.